I Should Have Stopped At The Oil Change

One November Day in 2006, I stopped at the neighborhood Oil Lube place to get an oil change in my 2005 Chrysler PT Cruiser. The Pit Guy comes up and starts explaining to me that I could invest in less expensive oil. I thanked him and asked how I could repay him? He told me I could buy him lunch. When I returned with his lunch, he asked for my number.

He courted me for 5 months, we moved in together and got engaged in March 2007. We got married in July 2007. We got divorced in March 2014.

“I Should Have Stopped At The Oil Change!”

Sometimes we marry because it’s our hearts desire but not God’s desired person or time for us. We are hard headed. We want what we want, when we want it.

I fell in love with potential, married it, and tried to develop it. The thought of having a husband was so exciting to me. I changed my last name. I tried to turn houses into homes. I took his dreams and made them into realities.

Then one day I woke up, looked at him and thought this is so lonely. There must have been someone praying for me to find wholeness in my life. If you are reading this, THANK YOU. See, my ex-husband was a great guy, just not the right guy for me. We were total opposites. I was a social butterfly and he was 100% introverted. I needed family gatherings and girls dates, he didn’t want to be bothered with family gatherings and had no friends. I tried to contain my zest for life to fit our relationship and it physically made me ill.

There were signs after we got engaged and I ignored them all! Being with the wrong one will have your insecurities weighing you down. You will feel like you are asking for to much and nothing you do will ever be enough or right. He talked about my weight, compared me to others, and the list goes on.

I lost weight, I tried new things but there was always something. Do you have any idea what it’s like to cry because you don’t think you’re good enough for a person that’s supposed to love you unconditionally? I mean I was a rock star at work. I have great friends and family, but in my marriage, I wasn’t enough!

So, back to that day that “I WOKE UP” and realized I’d never be enough… I got out! It didn’t happen overnight, it was a process, but you have to “Let Your Heartbreak 💔!” (see previous post)

Self preservation. Self esteem. Self care. Self love. It’s what you know in your heart to be right, just and true! I pray that if you are in a situation similar that the Lord grants you the power and strength to let it go and build better for yourself.

12 thoughts on “I Should Have Stopped At The Oil Change

  1. 🔥 this post! I’m so proud of you for being so transparent. I vividly remember so many of the details…it was all to draw you closer to Him. Have to go through the rain to appreciate the sunshine. ♥️ you

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      1. And remember a man that is supposed to love and protect you that tears you down with his words is a man that is not secure within himself…feels threatened by your strength and independence!! That is NOT LOVE!!

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  2. Oh honey are you speaking to me👌🏽. I woke up with those thoughts, not sure month and year, but knew one day I WOULD leave it was just a matter of WHEN!! No matter how hard I tried it continued to be a one-way Street and the street had a whole lot of cracks and potholes 😡

    2009-10 when the family fell ill and passed away the camel’s back was broken. I had turned the corner and there was no turning back. I decided then I didn’t want to be on my death bed looking up saying ‘I wasted my life on you’!!

    That last time I saw your dad I told him I had moved out. He looked at me and said ‘ I know you are going to be alright’ and I responded ‘yep I will be just fine!’ I had my plan and I had executed it down to the hour the movers came and moved my furniture. Yep I was going to be fine I am fine!! Michael and I often talk about if we had met each other sooner how things would have been. But you have to go through somethings to come out on the other side to appreciate everything GOD puts in front of you-good and the bad!!

    Without those not so good years I would not appreciate the GREAT time I am having now!!

    Living LIFE to the fullest with no regrets!! It is my time now

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      1. Yes each of their deaths gave me more strength and courage After 30+ years with the same person I realized there was still life left to live and I knew I had to seize the opportunity. Had to let go of the guilt of walking away from someone I had committed myself to realizing it was meant for me to be happy as well not to just serve someone else’s pleasure

        I was lost but now I’m found. And the new road I’m traveling is AWESOME!!

        GOD is good ALL the TIME 🙏🏽

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      2. And All the time, God is good.

        I felt like a failure. I tried everything I could think of. I made excuses to others for his behavior. I thought the fairytale didn’t exist. . .

        I’ll text you about how amazing my fairytale is! 💙☀️

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  3. fairytale don’t exist so don’t put on blinders and don’t expect that
    Look for a quality relationship. Not bursting your bubble just being realistic

    He sounds like he has his stuff together.

    Have to take the good with the bad as long as the good outweighs the bad And meets your needs and puts you first

    Very few meet their soulmate but doesn’t mean that you can’t meet someone that gives you those good butterflies every time you see them. Someone that constantly lifts you up and praises you. Someone that appreciates you
    for YOU!

    Michael and I talk about the taking each other for granted and not appreciating. we haven’t so far. We understand that it is about doing the small things all the time for one
    Another not because we feel obligated but because we enjoy bringing joy to one another. I have never ever felt so comfortable in ones presence. And the conversations know no limits
    Honest and open communication is what our relationship is based on

    Relationship also has to be solid outside of the bedroom as that will diminish overtime – aging
    Is real But the LOVE should deepen

    He told me a while ago I was a gift from GOD. Can’t get anymore precious than that

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