My outlook has been adjusted over the past 5+ years. I’ve lost a lot. I’ve gained a lot. I’ve grown a lot. I’ve experienced a myriad of relationships, and in hindsight, I had to swallow the fact that ” I Never Measured Up” to expectations of my ex-husband. Being 💯, we fell short on each other’s lists and “Should Have Stopped At The Oil Change”. This isn’t the blame game. It’s an act of self-awareness. Sometimes, we wonder what we did wrong? How we could have saved a thing? Or, why things fell apart? It could have been them. It could have been you. It could be that y’all just were not equally yoked.
In relationships, both romantic and platonic, people have expectations of others. There are times when someone will have a mark that you will not measure up to. We are all individuals with different personalities, habits, goals, objectives and standards.
So. . . before I got married, the signs were there. I chose to ignore them. We chose to ignore them. On my end, I would reach these levels of expectation from him, but there’d always be somethings else wrong, or that I needed to do/change. Possibly, vice versa. It got to a point that nothing I did was right. If I could just be what/who he wanted, everything would be OK. This thinking led me through a painstakingly gruesome process of the breaking down of my self-esteem and then self-imposed exile.
So. . . I had some amazing friendships prior to getting married and I started confiding in them, but kept so much to myself. Embarrassed and ashamed. Deep in my heart, I knew better. I knew that I tried to fill shoes that weren’t meant for me. No matter how you angled that glass slipper, my foot wouldn’t fit in it.
Anyway, it took some time. Maybe 2 years time, before I had the courage to say enough is enough and get out. Here I was ashamed and “Faking The Funk” to my friends and family. Worried that I’d be judged or thought less of, but what they wanted for me was to be happy. I didn’t want to face the fact that this “Forever Was Not Always!”
Consider this: You apply for a job, but don’t have all of the qualifications. You interview for said job. This job requires the use of a program/software that you have heard of but are not versed in. Both, you and the employer are convinced that with a little training, it’ll be a perfect match. They offer you the job. You accept the job. A few months in you realized that you are in over your head or that you could care less about learning this program. You knew that going in. You ignored the fact and was just happy to get the job and the title that came with it. Now you are stressed because the employer has an expectation and you aren’t meeting it. Disaster, huh? Definitely a disaster. . . . and if you think I’m talking about an employer / employee relationship, you should re-read this entire post.
Know when a thing is not your thing.
Know when a relationship is not meant for you.
Know when a situation is out of your grasp.
Know when expectations are beyond your capacity to ascertain.
Acknowledge that you don’t measure up to someone elses standard and do yourself a favor… go where your talents are appreciated and celebrated.
#Message: We generally don’t measure up in places that we don’t belong in.