L’s in silence

Truth is, I used to live my life out loud. That was until I started taking major losses and doing some things that I wasn’t so proud to broadcast. At some point, I began to self sabotage and never thought to much about it. I thought YOLO was a way of life, but in fact the way I let it play out was just asinine. I knew better. I wasn’t raised to be rebellious and to only consider what was best for me, no matter the cost. No matter who it hurt. No matter what moral, social rules or boundaries I crossed. No matter the expense.

Until one day, the expenses were my feelings and growth. You see, I lost a few friends that helped me get through the loss of my parents and my divorce. I’ll never know what really happened, but I know that the Lord told me not to fight and let go. That loss was silently public. Also, I’d been dating a dude that cheated on me. I saw a video and then another young lady he was with called me. I mean… geez, what else could go wrong?!

Debt. Everywhere.

Family discord.

Work. How does one really get an opportunity to be promoted?

So much…

Here’s the thing. When you broadcast your life, people judge you. They put you in a judgement bubble that seems to be unburstable because it takes so much to try and get them to see you for something other than your faults. People tend to see you for who you were, or who you’ve become, and not who are you evolving into. This is why — exactly why I have been taking my L’s in silence.

I’m all about sharing my L’s but ONLY after the related wins. If you’re going to judge me, judge my whole story and all of its glory! I feel the impact is better when you see the story backwards. Like man, she is winning out here, but I never knew she fought through so much to get here. As opposed to, she’s been a disaster, it is finally time somethings started to break for her. Or, poor girl, I sure hope her life has changed.

I’m keeping track of my L’s and I’ll share them all, but there’s no way, not anymore will I post every move. Besides, it’s hard to get up if people are kicking you with judgement while you’re down.

These are my Fourth Watch thoughts! #CatchMeWinning


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