Sunday, May 31, 2020. I was all over the place and couldn’t figure out why. I cried over the simplest of things. That’s what happens when my… Read more “Fighting to be Embraced”
We all have dreams. Some of those dreams require us to adopt an entrepreneurial mind-set. If that’s your path, you must be comfortable with risk. Granted, as an entrepreneur, you should have a business plan for the road you will travel to get your business up and running, but no detail is risk free. However, the risk should be calculated. Don’t blindly accept risk; deal with it intelligently and always with your eyes open wide.
[Me, talking to me]. Write the blog and actually post it. Personally, baring your soul, sharing your emotions or just opening up about the life path you have traveled is a whole lot. It makes you vulnerable. But, following your passion makes you accountable to yourself. It’s risky. The risk is managed by the frustration and tugging at your soul to complete the action for the the vision that’s been dropped in it.
I’m an open book and if you haven’t already figured it out, I’m blogging afraid.
Even after 2 years.
The fear didn’t go away.
I take breaks, but I get right back to it. I manage risks of judgement, bad grammar, terrible flow, and countless other insecurities, by just being myself.
I can’t be anyone else. When I try, I crash and burn! The crash and burn hurts so bad. I’m afraid to be anyone other than me. Ever. Again.
So, the most common risk management for me these days, is to do it with Jesus Christ. He walks with me. He talks with me. He leads me. He guides me. If He places a word on my heart, I know that He will see to it that it reaches its expected end. I pause before many of my tasks, pray the Lords will be done and then get to moving.
Whenever I’ve included God in the plan, the good always outweighs the bad and I have the stamina to keep going!
Forget the fear. Invite Christ in. Do it afraid!
Friends, how many of us have them? Not everyone.
I am convinced that we aren’t meant to do life alone. We need wise counsel. Someone to call and bounce our ideas off of. Someone to talk us off the ledge. Someone to keep us from making a big mistake.
I recall people telling me that they don’t have any friends, and that hurt my heart. There are people that have been hurt, scorned or have a learned behavior based on solitude. I remember posting on Facebook, “We are meant to be in relationship with others!” and someone responded, “I don’t think you need people in your life. I don’t have any friends.”
You don’t think you need friends? This puzzled me because it’s not an experience of mine. My circle of friends has changed in size and stature, but my soul ties still remain.
You do. You do need friends. I am not convinced that it is healthy do life alone. Friends provide accountability and support. They whisper your hearts song back to you when you have forgotten.
You need friends to provide counsel and confidants.
If you are a person that has trouble meeting trustworthy people or sustaining meaningful relationships, may I suggest that you pray for the right people be sent into your life at the right time and that you recognize them when they come.
If you are a person that has people that don’t clap for you when you are winning or try and help you when life has brought you down to your knees, you need to let them go! Get a new friend. A whole new friend!
When people outside of my circle see me, they see the polished version of me. They see my anointing. What they don’t see are the people holding me up and keeping me accountable for my growth, passion and purpose.
The public doesn’t see the text messages and phone calls that are made while I am battling the storms of life. Nor do you see my friends on social media talking about, “ugh, here she goes being all extra with her problems.” This is because I prayed for a circle of friends that don’t require cameras in the locker room until it’s time to celebrate our win!
The Lord grants the desires of our hearts. Just as he sends mentors, leaders, significant others, jobs, financial breakthroughs, He will also send friends. All you have to do is ask!!!
Real life. Your daily life. What you do on a daily basis. Be happy with your real life.
Don’t fake the funk. Don’t fake your happiness for a bunch of people on social media. This current generation seems to be so groomed to take a ton of photos, post them and hastag things like #LivingMyBestLife. It’s awesome to be able to say that. I love to post pictures taken in the right light and memes that show how awesome, blessed and highly favored I am. I also like to be transparent and post pictures that other people look amazing in, but aren’t necessarily flattering for me. I even post memes that reflect some of the uncomfortable times that I have had.
As the holiday season approaches, I’ve talked to several people who have expressed their depression, uncomfortableness, dread or impending time with family that makes them remember they are not happy. These same people will also post pictures on social medial with family and friends in close quarters with great big smiles on their faces that display love and admiration.
Why fake the funk? Why only tell people about your triumphs and not your struggles? It gives people a false sense of hope. My greatest smiles and victories have come after some of the greatest struggles in my life.
I have a friend that has a friend (😂🤣) that only posts the glitz and glamour of their life on social media. This same friend of a friend only has surface conversations about how amazing things are in life and always blooming. I remind my friend that nothing blooms all year long and if it does, it’s fake 😉.
Here is my point. I understand that whatever hits social media stays in cyber space forever. It’s why we post pictures with filters, hashtags and catchy status updates. What I’ve learned is that it’s not just okay for ME to post things online for appearances. I need to be happy at my core. Happy in real life. Through this blog, I have posted some things that are amazing, but also some things that show I’ve had some hard times. Sharing my struggles makes me uncomfortable, but happy at the same time. Everytime I get a text message or email from someone saying that a post has helped them in any way, I am happy.
Figure out what it takes to make you happy at your core. Do the work to achieve that happiness. Social Media happiness fades once the site/app is closed. Happiness in your core never stops churning and brings joy and peace with it as a bonus!
One November Day in 2006, I stopped at the neighborhood Oil Lube place to get an oil change in my 2005 Chrysler PT Cruiser. The Pit Guy comes up and starts explaining to me that I could invest in less expensive oil. I thanked him and asked how I could repay him? He told me I could buy him lunch. When I returned with his lunch, he asked for my number.
He courted me for 5 months, we moved in together and got engaged in March 2007. We got married in July 2007. We got divorced in March 2014.
“I Should Have Stopped At The Oil Change!”
Sometimes we marry because it’s our hearts desire but not God’s desired person or time for us. We are hard headed. We want what we want, when we want it.
I fell in love with potential, married it, and tried to develop it. The thought of having a husband was so exciting to me. I changed my last name. I tried to turn houses into homes. I took his dreams and made them into realities.
Then one day I woke up, looked at him and thought this is so lonely. There must have been someone praying for me to find wholeness in my life. If you are reading this, THANK YOU. See, my ex-husband was a great guy, just not the right guy for me. We were total opposites. I was a social butterfly and he was 100% introverted. I needed family gatherings and girls dates, he didn’t want to be bothered with family gatherings and had no friends. I tried to contain my zest for life to fit our relationship and it physically made me ill.
There were signs after we got engaged and I ignored them all! Being with the wrong one will have your insecurities weighing you down. You will feel like you are asking for to much and nothing you do will ever be enough or right. He talked about my weight, compared me to others, and the list goes on.
I lost weight, I tried new things but there was always something. Do you have any idea what it’s like to cry because you don’t think you’re good enough for a person that’s supposed to love you unconditionally? I mean I was a rock star at work. I have great friends and family, but in my marriage, I wasn’t enough!
So, back to that day that “I WOKE UP” and realized I’d never be enough… I got out! It didn’t happen overnight, it was a process, but you have to “Let Your Heartbreak 💔!” (see previous post)
Self preservation. Self esteem. Self care. Self love. It’s what you know in your heart to be right, just and true! I pray that if you are in a situation similar that the Lord grants you the power and strength to let it go and build better for yourself.
When I’m overwhelmed I go over and beyond to do something nice and meaningful for someone else. I thought it was funny when one of my mentors told me to try it. Like, why? I’m in a sucky mood and I just want to be alone and wallow in my mess until it passes. Not so. Doesn’t work. Seclusion and isolation lead to more depression and it’s entirely to hard to break out of it, so… I tried doing something nice for someone during a personal trial and you know what??? It turned my frown upside down!
I do turn inward and take time to myself at the onset of a personal trial so that I can ground myself and level set. I often find people more needy and annoying when I’m going through something so I practice deep breathing and a pause. The pause is my favorite because in that moment my brain recalibrates and spits out positivity and love. After all, love, kindness and smiles is who I am!
The next time you are in a slump or you feel a storm brewing, start doing or saying something nice and encouraging to someone else. Essentially give away what you need and watch how quickly it all comes back to you!