It’s Their 42nd Wedding Anniversary!

The good, the bad and the ugly of relationships have been prevalent in the last few days. I have been in an emotionally exhaustive textversation with my sister-friends on the topic, and this evening I ended by saying, “It’s taking up too much space in my brain!” To which one beauty concurred that it is taking up a lot of space and telling me to figure out how to work through it, because there is no wrong way, just your way. After I read that message, I sat in it for some time and continued on helping others walk through their thoughts. My parents dropped in my spirit. That’s when it hit me, November 10th is their wedding anniversary. I looked up at my living room wall and saw a picture of my parents. The same living room that they were married in.

Conversations of relationship PTSD and the current twinkles in our eyes led me to stay up late and work my way through what the Holy Spirit had been laying on my heart and that’s the power of respectful communication. Through behavioral counseling, I am working on my passive aggressive processing along with the verbal and non-verbal delivery. I look like my mama and have her heart, but there is not a question that I have my daddy’s personality.

Here’s what I know via first-hand experience of mediating my parents’ disagreements and talking to them in a manner that allowed them to see the others point of view, their love wasn’t always easy, but it was worth it to them and they worked on it. Neither was perfect and they never claimed to be. I hear them clear as day asking why this or that and admitting they didn’t understand and would try to communicate with one another in a different manner on a subject matter.

We learn early in life to mind our manners and our tongues. Once a word is spoken, or written, we can’t take it back. I now comprehend why every text I wanted to send, I deleted or typed in my notes and it’s sitting there pending further review. I recognize that the spirit of lovingkindness and care that James and Deborah exhibited needed to be reflected. I see my daddy clear as day taking my mama to the mall to buy her an outfit that matched his for them to wear on this surprise date he planned, only for them to be late because she was trying to do something to her hair or polish her nails. I want that same grace and patience on me, an overt act of love.

I will spend this day reflecting on their love that now plays as a fairytale in my head while they enjoy one another in heaven. I’ll be gentle with myself and others, communicating clearly while being in such a vulnerable space of always vowing to love, permitting love to love me and allowing the love to flow. Do me the honor of yielding to love today and letting it do its work.

Happy Heavenly 42nd Wedding Anniversary, Daddy and Mamacita! I love you both to infinity and beyond.

Soli Deo gloria

Love Is

How fitting on this 2019 Valentine’s Day to be reminded of what “Love Is!”

My childhood sister-friend, Kendra always says, “Love Is.” Every time I read or write it my mind wanders. Action, love IS action.

I choose love every-time. I love love. I love the feeling of love. I love its mystery. I love being able to watch others discover love. I love watching others feel love. I love pouring my love into others.

In my mind, when I see others hurt as a result love (or loving), I silently rejoice because I know that it’s just a test. A test of endurance and strength. I know there’s a lesson in it and better is on the other side.

Love changes lives. Love heals. Love hurts. Love teaches. Love punishes. Love grows. Love stunts. Love stuns. Love begs. Love Is. Love Is not.

You learn so much about yourself when love is involved. Your potential knows no bounds. Nothing can stop you…

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Love Is

My childhood sister-friend, Kendra always says, “Love Is.” Every time I read or write it my mind wanders. Action, love IS action.

I choose love every-time. I love love. I love the feeling of love. I love its mystery. I love being able to watch others discover love. I love watching others feel love. I love pouring my love into others.

In my mind, when I see others hurt as a result love (or loving), I silently rejoice because I know that it’s just a test. A test of endurance and strength. I know there’s a lesson in it and better is on the other side.

Love changes lives. Love heals. Love hurts. Love teaches. Love punishes. Love grows. Love stunts. Love stuns. Love begs. Love Is. Love Is not.

You learn so much about yourself when love is involved. Your potential knows no bounds. Nothing can stop you. Dreams are born and become masterful. You learn who you are and who you are not.

Love isn’t just centered in romantic relationships. It’s culminated in friendships, sister and brotherhoods, family ties, volunteering, shopping, work… and the list goes on.

Love is when a coworker gives you their homemade chicken noodle soup because your aren’t feeling well, and they go and buy a lunch for themself. It’s when your best friend is more excited for your birthday than you are. Or when the person you are in relationship with creates an environment for you to rest and be catered to. It’s when someone sacrifices their comfort or convenience to accommodate your needs.

Love provides joy, peace, serenity, lessons, growth, uncomfortableness, teachable moments… but, Love NEVER Fails.

Be The Bigger Person

I never took into account the amount of effort that it takes to be the bigger person. You really have to step outside of yourself! These past few months, someone that didn’t exactly do right by me has leaned on me to help them process life’s events similar to ones I’m on the other side of.

While I am emotional, sensitive, empathetic and nurturing, I am human and hold pain, regret and grudges. The nurturer in me wants to do everything in my power to make things right and help, but I struggle at times and find myself judging those that wronged me, wanting them to feel pain or hurt. If the person ‘in need’ hasn’t always been truthful with me and has a tainted reputation, my first reaction is ‘screw them!’ I find myself reverting back to what I know about their past behavior and producing my past reactions which amount to “Ain’t NOBODY got time for this!”

Matter of fact, I have helped them before but I am now struggling with the reciprocity. Why is it that I’m always giving and they are just taking? As I am writing this, in the exact moment after that last sentence the Holy Spirit spoke to me and told me, ” That when you do for others, don’t expect anything from them. Know that your blessings will come from me.” That’s HUGE and I am doing my best not to cry. While I know that my grief journey and transitioning to my new normal is to help others make it through, sometimes I want to be selfish. I want to protect my feelings and heart from being used or disappointed. However, I know that by sharing how I made it over, it symbolizes the hope that others will find to help with their navigation of this new process.

Be supportive to a person that places you on the shelf like a priceless novel and only takes you down when they need a word. Be selfless! Be great! Be a blessing! Be humble!

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2:3-4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Heart Smiles

 

I can’t remember the last time I spent a day doing nothing. As far as the eye can see, I don’t have one of those days coming up. I’ve been privileged to hang out with some amazing people this year. My heart is swelling at the positive energy and love!

#GetYouAFriend is something I started saying to my friends about a year ago. It’s what I say to everyone I meet now. You’re never to old to make new friends or build new relationships. Some people are scarred and have hurts and disappointments as a hurdle, but you’ve got to do the work. Remember if Judas betrayed Christ and Peter denied Him … you can expect the same.

It’s all in how you process relationships and whether or not you can enter into them with an open mind. You have to treat people differently, according to their talents and positions in your life. Everyone doesn’t get unfiltered access to your life.

That’s the main rule I live by now. I must be present in every moment and let the Joy of my Soul shine through my Heart. I love to recap time spent with folks. I catch myself smiling at the thoughts… HEART SMILES ♥️😁