It’s Their 42nd Wedding Anniversary!

The good, the bad and the ugly of relationships have been prevalent in the last few days. I have been in an emotionally exhaustive textversation with my sister-friends on the topic, and this evening I ended by saying, “It’s taking up too much space in my brain!” To which one beauty concurred that it is taking up a lot of space and telling me to figure out how to work through it, because there is no wrong way, just your way. After I read that message, I sat in it for some time and continued on helping others walk through their thoughts. My parents dropped in my spirit. That’s when it hit me, November 10th is their wedding anniversary. I looked up at my living room wall and saw a picture of my parents. The same living room that they were married in.

Conversations of relationship PTSD and the current twinkles in our eyes led me to stay up late and work my way through what the Holy Spirit had been laying on my heart and that’s the power of respectful communication. Through behavioral counseling, I am working on my passive aggressive processing along with the verbal and non-verbal delivery. I look like my mama and have her heart, but there is not a question that I have my daddy’s personality.

Here’s what I know via first-hand experience of mediating my parents’ disagreements and talking to them in a manner that allowed them to see the others point of view, their love wasn’t always easy, but it was worth it to them and they worked on it. Neither was perfect and they never claimed to be. I hear them clear as day asking why this or that and admitting they didn’t understand and would try to communicate with one another in a different manner on a subject matter.

We learn early in life to mind our manners and our tongues. Once a word is spoken, or written, we can’t take it back. I now comprehend why every text I wanted to send, I deleted or typed in my notes and it’s sitting there pending further review. I recognize that the spirit of lovingkindness and care that James and Deborah exhibited needed to be reflected. I see my daddy clear as day taking my mama to the mall to buy her an outfit that matched his for them to wear on this surprise date he planned, only for them to be late because she was trying to do something to her hair or polish her nails. I want that same grace and patience on me, an overt act of love.

I will spend this day reflecting on their love that now plays as a fairytale in my head while they enjoy one another in heaven. I’ll be gentle with myself and others, communicating clearly while being in such a vulnerable space of always vowing to love, permitting love to love me and allowing the love to flow. Do me the honor of yielding to love today and letting it do its work.

Happy Heavenly 42nd Wedding Anniversary, Daddy and Mamacita! I love you both to infinity and beyond.

Soli Deo gloria

Face the Facts

I have been reminded several times this year that I can’t trust my feelings. My feelings are often based on matters of the heart and they cloud my judgement so I must Face the Facts. As twisted as it sounds, the fact is that my feelings have been hurt.

The facts give you a firm grasp of what you are up against so you can figure out how to effectively move forward. When you are building, growing, elevating, transitioning, you often feel delayed, behind, and overlooked. I have found that the Lord gives me ‘Path Pavers‘ and I fiddle to my goals, and over time I have learned to get back to the facts and not make moves based off of my feelings.

We search for feedback as we strive to reach our goals. That feedback is the news or the update on how we are progressing and we have to use discernment to separate the facts and the feelings.

Facing the Facts:

No news is bad news. If you don’t know what you are up against, then you cannot be effective. You need the facts, the root of the situation and an understanding of what the outcome should be. You don’t know where you stand if there is no news, and that’s bad.

Bad news is good news. It’s all in how you view a thing. Once I started looking at bad news as growth and opportunity to do better, increase, learn more… it quickly transitioned into good news.

Good news is no news. Just means you did the thing the right way. That you have a grasp on the facts, and you understood and met the goal.

Our feelings should be acknowledged, tracked back to the fact they are tied to and properly dealt with, but not be the driving force behind our actions. Learn the power in a pause. Watch how things change as you base decisions less off of emotion and more off of facts!

#BecomeAVictor

#SDG

I Am Good Soil

For the first time in over 10 years, I am in love with myself and I am walking in my purpose. I’m out of a stretch of low self esteem and heartbreaks. I wanted to wallow in my misfortune, But God kept giving me more things and more people to nurture and love. I watched family, coworkers, friends and frequent acquaintances benefit from my light, love and laughter. I was fighting internal hidden battlefields of the heart and mind, they were leaving me refreshed, happy and encouraged.

See, sometimes, the devil fights us because we are good soil and he knows that anything God plants in us will bear good fruit. Understanding that the enemy attacks at our greatest strength made me realize that I AM GOOD SOIL!

I count it on joy when I’m able to help others see the light where they only saw night. It was this act that helped pull me out of my own darkness and sprout. I was buried for what felt like an eternity. Giving so much of myself to others that there was rarely anything to give to myself. I yearned for stars in the sky and I kept telling the Lord, “I’m a bird, you gotta let me fly!”

At my core, I knew I was so much more than my pain and circumstances. I knew that there was purpose planted inside of me and if I could just crack the seed break the soils surface, everything would be beautiful!

I stopped conforming to what the world wanted and began to live free, but in radical obedience. I knew I could breathe on things and make them great. My love can mend the broken hearted. I am strong enough to carry someone else’s pain while they get their sparkle back. I know just the right amount of reckless talk to fire you up or when to be the breeze that holds you up.

After all, my tsunami had come to an end. I prayed, cried, praised and worshipped my way through. I chased after God and wouldn’t let go until He blessed me. I knew that there were seeds planted inside of me just waiting to sprout and I had to move past the darkness in order to produce.

I. Am. Good. Soil.

This is my reminder that as I step into my 38th year on this earth on March, 14, 2019, that I am amazing and I can do ALL things through Christ who lives in me!

SDG❣️