The good, the bad and the ugly of relationships have been prevalent in the last few days. I have been in an emotionally exhaustive textversation with my sister-friends on the topic, and this evening I ended by saying, “It’s taking up too much space in my brain!” To which one beauty concurred that it is taking up a lot of space and telling me to figure out how to work through it, because there is no wrong way, just your way. After I read that message, I sat in it for some time and continued on helping others walk through their thoughts. My parents dropped in my spirit. That’s when it hit me, November 10th is their wedding anniversary. I looked up at my living room wall and saw a picture of my parents. The same living room that they were married in.
Conversations of relationship PTSD and the current twinkles in our eyes led me to stay up late and work my way through what the Holy Spirit had been laying on my heart and that’s the power of respectful communication. Through behavioral counseling, I am working on my passive aggressive processing along with the verbal and non-verbal delivery. I look like my mama and have her heart, but there is not a question that I have my daddy’s personality.
Here’s what I know via first-hand experience of mediating my parents’ disagreements and talking to them in a manner that allowed them to see the others point of view, their love wasn’t always easy, but it was worth it to them and they worked on it. Neither was perfect and they never claimed to be. I hear them clear as day asking why this or that and admitting they didn’t understand and would try to communicate with one another in a different manner on a subject matter.
We learn early in life to mind our manners and our tongues. Once a word is spoken, or written, we can’t take it back. I now comprehend why every text I wanted to send, I deleted or typed in my notes and it’s sitting there pending further review. I recognize that the spirit of lovingkindness and care that James and Deborah exhibited needed to be reflected. I see my daddy clear as day taking my mama to the mall to buy her an outfit that matched his for them to wear on this surprise date he planned, only for them to be late because she was trying to do something to her hair or polish her nails. I want that same grace and patience on me, an overt act of love.
I will spend this day reflecting on their love that now plays as a fairytale in my head while they enjoy one another in heaven. I’ll be gentle with myself and others, communicating clearly while being in such a vulnerable space of always vowing to love, permitting love to love me and allowing the love to flow. Do me the honor of yielding to love today and letting it do its work.
Happy Heavenly 42nd Wedding Anniversary, Daddy and Mamacita! I love you both to infinity and beyond.
Soli Deo gloria